News Review: Tell Me, How Does She Do That?

silhouette of black catHello, readers. It’s CCL (Cantankerous Cat Lady) here, sitting in for Lucinda. Since many of you have probably not been visiting my website long enough to have read Lucinda’s story, I am reposting part of a couple of her early posts. These will answer the question, “How does she do that?” that so many of you ask

I’m including a bit of the post where she was first introduced, and her explanation of how she learned to read and write. I’m adding links to both the original stories so you can read them in full if you wish. Here is Lucinda’s debut:

Lucinda First Arrives On the Website

Hello, all you two-leggeds out there. I’ve been told to introduce myself. I am Lucinda, the Literate Cat. This website is named after me because I am so remarkable.

To put you completely in the picture, I am the cat that owns your cantankerous cat lady. Actually, I can understand how she got that name. In my eyes, she is ancient beyond my ability to imagine. She is so old she has been owned by a number of cats during her lifetime. No wonder she is cantankerous!

The cantankerous cat lady has hired me to do a job for her. I didn’t become a literate cat by accident. I have read lots of books. The job I have been hired to do is to write book summaries of some of the books I have read.

We had to agree on terms. I told her I would only do reviews of books about animals, because I could understand them. Too many of the books the two-leggeds write have no meaning to me at all. She agreed to this request.

However, then she tried to influence me as to the way I would write the summaries. She wanted them to be “truth” in the way she sees it. I don’t always see things the same way, and I can only express things from my point of view. She may not agree with the way I interpret these stories, but she will have to live with it.

Still, she hired me.


Now you know how I happened to hire Lucinda. However, after being asked many times how she learned to read and to use the computer, she wrote this information in another post. It’s an amazing story, and I wanted to share it with those of you who don’t know it. So, read on.

Lucinda Tells All

Hello from Lucinda the literate cat, bringing you another of my famous book reviews. However, before I start this review, I have some background information for you. Members of my fan club have asked me how I, a cat, ever learned to read, and how I write these reviews. The Cantankerous Cat Lady (a.k.a. CCL) has given me permission to tell my story.

How Much Do Your Animals Really Know?

The two-leggeds say that truth is often stranger than fiction. My story fits that saying. First of all, be aware that your four-legged family members most likely understand more of what you say than you think possible. When we are around you all the time, we hear you speak, and even though we cannot answer in your language, we know the meaning of many of your words.

When I moved in with the CCL, I met Carlos, the last cat-in-charge in this household. Carlos was an exceptional cat, and shared some of his knowledge with me.

Learning From the Memory Library

cats sleeping with personFirst of all, he took me to the CCL’s Memory Library, a place best visited when she is sleeping. Lying next to her at night, I learned to travel into her mind to the Memory Library, where all her words are stored. I studied new words almost every night.

A side note: Since we do not have a language in the way you two-leggeds do, how did Carlos communicate with me? Well, he used Cat Telepathy.

The four-leggeds, especially cats, all communicate telepathically. If you observe your four-leggeds, you might see that some kind of information has passed between them, though they sit without making a sound.

It is too bad you two-leggeds have lost your ability to communicate in this way, as it would be much easier to tell you what we want. We “talk” to each other by passing images between us, rather than words.

A Unique Feature of the Memory Library

A unique thing about the CCL’s Memory Library was that we didn’t actually read the words in there — we heard them! This phenomenon was very helpful when it came time to read. When we hear the spoken writing, it forms itself into images in our heads so we can understand.

The CCL had a special pair of glasses made for me which made all those squiggly things you call letters much larger and darker. With the glasses, when I ran my paw underneath the words, I could easily hear what they said.

Since I got the glasses, I have read (heard) many books. Having heard the meaning as I followed the line of squiggles with my paw, I also took note of what combinations of squiggles were needed to make that word. That is a skill you call “spelling.”

Unfortunately, I miss some letters when I try to write what I hear, so my spelling is not very good. The CCL corrects all my stories before she prints them.

How I am Able to Write

So how do I write down the words? The CCL puts my high stool in front of the computer keyboard, and with my glasses on I can see the letters on there better, Icat sitting on chair in front of open computer type the stories by tapping the proper letters with my paws. (Well, I try to use the proper letter. Since I am typing from what I have heard, my spelling suffers a bit.)

Once I have the whole story typed, my CCL does all the corrections.

This information is for you, my readers, and my fan club members, but not for anyone else. Please be sure that no big university hears about my abilities, because they will try to capture me and study me.

Actually, I guess it really wouldn’t matter who you told. If a university abducted me, I will just morph into a very ordinary little house cat, and they will be totally baffled. After all, they cannot communicate telepathically, so they will not be able to figure out my marvelous mind.

And now you know how I can put together these reviews for you. Tonight I am summarizing another hardcover children’s book, with some unusual characters.

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There you have it, friends. Now you know how the miraculous Lucinda can read stories and pass a summary of what she has read on to you. She is really a most remarkable cat, and deserves great praise for all she does. Show her your love by sending her a comment in the “comments” section below. She will be happy to answer.


4 Responses to News Review: Tell Me, How Does She Do That?

  1. Henderson says:

    Lol, lucinda is awesome and she really does have great personality. I wish I could meet her one day this witty literate cat. Its funny how she could enter your mind at night just so she could learn new words. Maybe some day, I’ll have a cat that’ll write for me too. So Lucinda, how much does your two legged pay for your service?

    • Fran Kelso says:

      Oh, so glad you liked my story.  I really love to get comments from readers.

      Pay?  With what?  What you two-leggeds call cash?  What would I do with it?  I can’t eat it, and it is not something I could play with. I certainly can’t spend it.  Could you imagine me walking into the grocery store and buying a can of cat food?  They would think I was stealing!  Besides, how do I know they would give me the right change?  I can’t talk to them…all I could do would be to paw the cash over the counter to them.  Then I might think they were the ones doing the stealing.

      No, my two-legged does not pay me a salary.  However, she arranges other things to my liking.  She gives me excellent food and the most comfortable bed to sleep on.  I know I’d get those anyway, but I also know she will do her best to keep me happy so I’ll continue to work for her.  She might be cantankerous, but she is kind. She also knows a good thing when she sees it, and I am a good thing.

      Do come to our website and read some more of my reviews.  I think you would enjoy them.

  2. RoDarrick says:

    A great personality to accompany an interesting cat. Lucinda seems very amazing to me and would be such a delight to gave with her beautiful personality. I actually enjoyed the reading and her worldview and her message has been perfectly passed because I could read the meanings to what is being passed. Telepathy communication, wow! I never could have thought of that. Thanks Lucinda

    • Fran Kelso says:

      Lucinda does a great job on my website.  She sees things I don’t see, and passes on messages I would not have the opportunity to pass on to you.  Glad you enjoyed it.

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